Elephant Woman

We have a wasp hive hanging from a tree branch right over our driveway. I've been attacked twice. The first time, before I knew there was a hive there, I was beating sand off my car mats against the tree trunk. The wasps went for my face pretty quick, and I had a swollen head for a week. I stayed away from the tree after that. The second time, just yesterday, my alarm went off while I was checking the oil -- man-o, the wasps didn't like that. One got me a little on my nose (brushed the sucker off really quick) and another got me good on my inner arm (burned like a mother and now my arm is swollen to one and a half times its size -- it happened to Kuro once, remember, sisters?).

Phone conversation with the housekeeper, Rosa (me at work, she at home; translation from Spanish):

MEG: We have a wasp hive over the driveway.
ROSA: Really? That's good luck.
M: I don't think so. I've been attacked twice.
R: It's good luck.
M: I don't think so. The wasps are really big and they hurt like crazy when they sting you.
R: A wasp hive brings good luck into the house.
M: I don't think so. Can you ask the gardener if he can remove it?
R: It's good luck.
M: I don't think so. My arm is swollen to almost twice its size.
R: What good luck!
M: Leland is really allergic to bee stings. He'll swell up like a balloon if he gets stung.
R: It's good luck.
M: He won't be able to breathe and he might die. They're really big wasps; go look at them.
R: (Walking with the cordless phone outside the house) It's good luck to have a wasp hive outside your house. Especially if it's near the door.
M: If Leland starts swelling up, we'll have to stick him with a medicated pin so he won't die.
R: (Still walking) It's good luck, though.
M: I don't think so.
R: (Still walking) It's good luck. Wasps' nests are good... SON OF A BITCH, THEY'RE GIGANTIC!
M: I know.
R: Oh... they're the big black ones. They're not good luck. It's the little yellow ones that are good luck.
M: So can the gardener get rid of them, please?
R: Okay. Today.