Elephant Woman
We have a wasp hive hanging from a tree branch right over our driveway. I've been attacked twice. The first time, before I knew there was a hive there, I was beating sand off my car mats against the tree trunk. The wasps went for my face pretty quick, and I had a swollen head for a week. I stayed away from the tree after that. The second time, just yesterday, my alarm went off while I was checking the oil -- man-o, the wasps didn't like that. One got me a little on my nose (brushed the sucker off really quick) and another got me good on my inner arm (burned like a mother and now my arm is swollen to one and a half times its size -- it happened to Kuro once, remember, sisters?).
Phone conversation with the housekeeper, Rosa (me at work, she at home; translation from Spanish):
MEG: We have a wasp hive over the driveway.
ROSA: Really? That's good luck.
M: I don't think so. I've been attacked twice.
R: It's good luck.
M: I don't think so. The wasps are really big and they hurt like crazy when they sting you.
R: A wasp hive brings good luck into the house.
M: I don't think so. Can you ask the gardener if he can remove it?
R: It's good luck.
M: I don't think so. My arm is swollen to almost twice its size.
R: What good luck!
M: Leland is really allergic to bee stings. He'll swell up like a balloon if he gets stung.
R: It's good luck.
M: He won't be able to breathe and he might die. They're really big wasps; go look at them.
R: (Walking with the cordless phone outside the house) It's good luck to have a wasp hive outside your house. Especially if it's near the door.
M: If Leland starts swelling up, we'll have to stick him with a medicated pin so he won't die.
R: (Still walking) It's good luck, though.
M: I don't think so.
R: (Still walking) It's good luck. Wasps' nests are good... SON OF A BITCH, THEY'RE GIGANTIC!
M: I know.
R: Oh... they're the big black ones. They're not good luck. It's the little yellow ones that are good luck.
M: So can the gardener get rid of them, please?
R: Okay. Today.
Phone conversation with the housekeeper, Rosa (me at work, she at home; translation from Spanish):
MEG: We have a wasp hive over the driveway.
ROSA: Really? That's good luck.
M: I don't think so. I've been attacked twice.
R: It's good luck.
M: I don't think so. The wasps are really big and they hurt like crazy when they sting you.
R: A wasp hive brings good luck into the house.
M: I don't think so. Can you ask the gardener if he can remove it?
R: It's good luck.
M: I don't think so. My arm is swollen to almost twice its size.
R: What good luck!
M: Leland is really allergic to bee stings. He'll swell up like a balloon if he gets stung.
R: It's good luck.
M: He won't be able to breathe and he might die. They're really big wasps; go look at them.
R: (Walking with the cordless phone outside the house) It's good luck to have a wasp hive outside your house. Especially if it's near the door.
M: If Leland starts swelling up, we'll have to stick him with a medicated pin so he won't die.
R: (Still walking) It's good luck, though.
M: I don't think so.
R: (Still walking) It's good luck. Wasps' nests are good... SON OF A BITCH, THEY'RE GIGANTIC!
M: I know.
R: Oh... they're the big black ones. They're not good luck. It's the little yellow ones that are good luck.
M: So can the gardener get rid of them, please?
R: Okay. Today.
posted by Meg at 10:26 PM
3 Comments:
The blog lives! And here I thought it was a cruel hoax. Was just telling my lovely roommate here how much I miss my lovely roommate there. Interested to hear about the evolution of your expatriate enthusiasm. Don't worry, if you decide to sell your car and skedaddle, I know just the guy.
I'd love to see some wedding photos if you have any!!
Tanti baci,
Chris
Why do people always say that bad shit that happens to you is "good luck?" Like when birds poo on you. That's not good luck, some mom invented that to make their kid feel better about being pooped on. Nobody likes being pooped on. Comon'...
Thanks for blogging. I love it! It made me ha ha so hard.
I have two choices: move to Tibet and live with the monks or convince Meg Yamamoto to post a new blog.
Both options will give me peace of mind but one is much cheaper and less socially constricting...
get on it girl
with love,
the guy who cries into his cornflakes
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